When Plan B is Best

Nobody signed up for my first attempt at art class.

There. I said it. I was so disappointed. I even cried.

Yes, I cried. Is that weird?  I thought it was.

I asked the Mr., "What's the deal? Why am I so sad about this?"

The obvious response, "Because this is important to you."

This past year has been a recovery effort--recovering creativity, recovering dreams.

So when I try something and it "fails," the first thing my heart hears is the enemy's voice saying,

"See, I told you so. Give it up. Nobody cares. It doesn't matter."

At first, I was ready to chuck the whole idea out the window.

How very mature.

It took me a few days to dig myself out.

Sometimes we have die to our own ideas to make room for God's.

I fought back the lies and held my dreams loosely.

I now have a class of two.

Jacob and Josie are the most committed, enthusiastic,

 and eager art students I could ever ask for.

It's our favorite subject.

As you can see, sometimes even Gabby can't resist joining the fun.

I love this time together more than words can say.

I may not have the class I had imagined, but this class still matters.

 It matters because the gifts God gives are important, 

even for a class of two.

We'll see...I might open up this art class idea again someday.

After all, God didn't say "no."

It was a "not yet."  

Goodbye 40

I'm sorry, Hallmark, but homemade is just way better.

Then again, sometimes store bought is pretty good too.

And I do love a creative birthday present

that I can watch all year long!!!

Granted, I may have to stay up into the wee hours of the night to be creative because I have a new full time job homeschooling these 4 extraordinarily awesome people.

And the icing on the cake?
I'm going to teach kid's art classes in my home!
Going to have to clean up this mess first...

And how about a little portrait work on the side?

I can hardly wait!!!
Goodbye 40. Hello 41.

LET'S HAVE SOME FUN!!!!!

Do you hear what I hear? Part 1

The perfectionist in me cringes at this picture of my work because the lighting really highlights the textures. It's a mixed media collage.  It's meant to have texture.  There is character and beauty in those lines. But my perfectionism tends to see those lines as flaws. My instinct is to want to "fix" it.  Make it pretty.  And nice. And flawless.

I haven't posted in seven weeks.  Partly because I'm trying to spend more time with my art. Partly because I'm a perfectionist. Mostly because I'm afraid. I'm afraid because I can only write what's on my heart, and my heart has been under reconstruction this year. Reconstruction is always messy. It's not a pretty process. I can't present you with something nice and flawless.

Who wants to admit that in the blog land of the steadfast, the faithful, the heroic, the inspirational, the helpful, the hopeful, and the perfectly polished?  Not me!  I'd rather not write, not share, not speak, until I'm all fixed up and the heart project is complete and I can share the good news and the lessons learned and we can all live happily ever after.

Who wants to hit the "publish" button knowing that the person sitting behind you at the next game may very well know what is going on behind your pleasant smile and the friendly "how are you?"  It's a small town where I live.  I don't think many people here do a lot of blog reading, but every now and then I get a comment, "Oh! I just read your blog!"  When that happens, I don't know whether to be happy or run and hide.

You see, I come from a long line of very quiet Dutch people who faithfully and respectfully kept their thoughts and feelings and problems to themselves.  After a lifetime of practice, I do an exceptionally good job of wearing the masks too.  I don't like to rock that boat. Or is it a wooden shoe?

(trying to pose like the ancestors)

Blogging could easily become a mask for me--a lovely mask where I could safely write and edit and delete every single word and picture until I have the perfectly polished presentation of my thoughts. Given enough time and tools I could always pick the perfect words to say. That's not real life.  That's not real me. I don't want to be that kind of blogger. I don't ever want anyone to visit my blog and find an edited perfected blog version of me. There are blogs that I don't read anymore for that very reason.  Their seemingly perfect "everything" leaves me feeling envious and  inadequate as a wife, mother, artist, blogger, and friend. Yuck.

So I struggle sometimes trying to find the balance. 

 Being real without being depressing. 

 Being honest without whining.
Sharing without preaching.

 But mostly I wonder...does it really matter?
I read what I've written and this is what I hear:

"Who really cares?"

"It's not important."

"It's not good enough."

"Why even try?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Someone else does it better."


I hear it all the time.

Do you hear it too?
When you write? When you draw?  When you paint? When you build? When you sing?
When you sew? When you play your song? When you send that letter?
When you bake that pie? When you snap that picture? When you hit that ball?
 When you lace up your shoes? When you pick up the phone? When you teach your kids?
When you offer to help? When you deliver those cookies?
When you do that thing that makes your heart sing?

I used to think that it was the voice of insecurity, a lack of confidence, or perfectionism talking. 

I used to think that maybe it was true.

It's not.

It's a bunch of lies.


And I'm not going to listen to it anymore.

(to be continued...in less than 7 weeks)

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; 

I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

~ Jesus of Nazareth,  John 10:10 

And The Winner Is...

I think I know why you're here.

But I'm not ready to tell you the winner yet.

There's something I need to say first.

Thanks a bunch!

You got me all choked up, I tell ya.

28 blessings, that's what you are.

I wish I could make something for each of you.

Jane asked if I would be game to make a journal with her Grandma's things.

I think she's on to something.

Custom Journals? Genius! I want one!

Jane, I am SO game.

So this is what we did.

All your names went in a hat--a vintage hat, of course.

Then my most trustworthy boy choose the winner.

(Sorry, Shelly. He was not swayed by your briberous attempts to woo him with chocolate and money.)

You know what he said to me this morning when I walked out of the bathroom?

"You look different.  You look like an artist.  You look younger too."

Awwwwwww!!!

Go ahead Jacob, ask me for anything and it's yours.

Sorry I'm getting off track here, but it's not everyday your boy notices your hair.

Back to the big reveal....

You can see it for yourself!

The winner is...

Yay!  I hope this blesses YOU today!

Thanks everyone for participating in my first give-away ever.

That was so fun, I just might do it again.

Hum.......

Stuff.

I am happy to report that I am spending more time creating than I have in years.

It's THE best medicine for whatever ails me.  I feel like a bona fide creative person again.

  

I am sorry to report that I still have nothing to show you from my class yet. I'm working on the first project--vintage journals.  Of course, I can't just make just ONE and move on to the next project.  No, I have to start half a dozen vintage journals while I wait for the required tool to arrive in the mail! Oh brother. I can't help myself.  Soon I'll put them all together and show ya!

For now, I thought I would show you some of the other "stuff" I've been making.

How about this basket full of sunshine?

This clothes pin idea is easier than easy.  You can make these.  I know you can.

And there's a bonus--they'll make you smile!  

They look super cute paired with the next project.

Old frame + chicken wire + staple gun= scratched up arms and a really fun memory board.

 Again, not hard to make.  True, chicken wire is not so fun to work with.  But it sure is cute!  

You can also use smaller wire to make a jewelry holder like this one in Hanna's room.  Love it!

OR how about a board for recipes in the kitchen? 

Chalkboards are fun too.  Big ones. Little ones.

 I have a few too many around the house now. 

 It seems I have a problem of over doing it.  

It seems I have a fondness for red and turquoise.

You should really make one of these chalkboards for yourself. It's not hard at all.  There are tutorials all over the web for you.  Or I suppose you could buy one of mine.  But that's a whole 'nother idea spelled e-t-s-y.

Oh yeah, baby.

As soon as I figure out what in the world I'm doing you just might find me at...

Etsy shop coming soon???

Maybe.  I don't know yet.

Do I dare?

Busy, busy, busy.

I love my new class. Love. IT. But look what it's done to my studio.

Who am I kidding?  I LOVE what it's done to my studio!!!!

 How can I not love a room full of inspiration?

I'll clean  it up for some "nice" pictures one of these days--but don't hold your breath.

For now, you get the real deal.  This is how it should be anyways, right?

What? A clean corner?

I better go do something about that.

(smile)

Staring at Stairs

The vision must be followed by the venture.

It is not enough to stare up the steps, we must step up the stairs.

 ~Vance Havner

I suppose I shouldn't be quoting people I've never heard of.

Oh well.

I love the quote.

Really love it.

I've stared up the steps.

I've prayed.

God's been listening.

He's been leaving me hints.

He's clever like that.

I'm taking a step up those stairs:

Jeanne Oliver's e-Course.

Details found here.

I am beyond excited.  Like I could burst.

Like I've been waiting for

                         

                                                                                a

                                                                            v e r y

                                                                            l o n g

                                                                            t i m e.

Like something that was lost is about to be found.

I'm tempted to sprint.

But no, I will savor each and every step.

I don't want to miss a thing.

~ ~ ~

How about you?

Are there any stairs that you've been staring up at?