When the darkness closes in...

As August slowly ushers in the changing seasons in nature,

it also ushers in a subtle current of sadness.

It is a time to mourn.

Some years it sneaks in almost unexpectedly,
a feeling that you can't quite put your finger on.
Some years it explodes fierce and out of control.
This year, I watch for it.  I recognize it.  I let it be what it is.

This year, I'm trying hard to grieve with gratitude.

~ ~ ~

When we first moved back to town, we became reacquainted with Ray, a dear old friend of my Dad. Ray would walk past our house on his daily route and always stop to say "hi" to the kids and reminisce with us about the history of people and places he loved in this town.

One of those people he loved was my Dad.

Ray told us many stories, but one I hold close to my heart:

my Dad at the funeral for his young son.

This was not Dad's first loss. It was one of many in his lifetime.

Ray was at the funeral.  He stood there in line, wondering what to say to his friend, my Dad. What do you say to a man who has lost so much already? Before Ray could find the words, my Dad reached for Ray's hand and confidently proclaimed what he believed:

"The Lord gives and the Lord takes away.  
Blessed be the name of the Lord."

~ ~ ~

 I love that I have this story of my Dad's unwavering faith.
I love that all these years later his testimony, passed on through a witness,
 still stands fresh and bold in my heart.


I love that I can say it too.

I will still mourn. Tears will still flow. And I will still say,

"The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. 
Blessed be the name of the Lord."

To be a Daughter

On my dresser sits this card.

Todd sees it and asks,

"Did my parents send you a card?"

I smile, but it hurts a little.

Of course he would think it's from them.

Who else would it be?

"No honey, it's from my Mom and Dad...an old one."

~ ~ ~

Sometimes I need a reminder.

A visible, tangible reminder that yes,

I am someone's daughter.

For almost 19 years

I had a mother and a father.

They loved me.

They thought about me.

They prayed about me.

They worried about me.

They cared about me.

They encouraged me.

They supported me.

They were proud of me.

They gave me Valentines.

 

~ ~ ~

~ ~ ~

I am so grateful to be a

wife, mother, sister, aunt, friend, and much more.

But sometimes...

I just want to be loved as a daughter again.