Carpet Face Prayer Days

You could tell it was a Monday.

I did optimistically take some school pictures.

See how hard they work.

Isn't writing time at the park fun?

Let me tell you, these pictures are false advertising.

They don't  honesty convey the thoughts and attitudes of the day.

I need pictures that say this:

"I don't feel good."

"I'm tired."

"Do I have to do this?"

"Can I have a break?"

"Why can't I do it later?"

"Can I skip this part?"

"I'm starving."

"My hand is tired."

"Are we almost done?"

Truth is, I felt the same way. 

"Do I have to do this?"

So there I was today, laying on the bedroom floor at 5:00 pm,

 praying for just a little bit of joy to finish out the day.  

Only God could redeem the mess we had made of the previous 8 hours.

Some days are like that.

Carpet face prayer days.

~ ~ ~

Most days we have family devotions after supper.  

 Let's just stop right there, lest you think too highly of that statement.  

It's rarely as lovely as we would like it to be.

But there is this new thing I love:

 the prayer jar.

Each stick in the jar has a prayer request:

"Grandma and Grandpa"

"Orphans"

"Ethiopia"

"More opportunities to show love"

"More faith"

"Manny P."

We sit on the couch and pass the jar, 

each person taking as many sticks as they'd like to pray for.  

Then around the room we go.

I'm not going to lie.

It's a beautiful thing.

Beautiful enough to redeem the mess we had made of this day?

Yes, indeed.

Just one hour after my carpet faced prayer for joy,

Jacob prays in his own words,

"God, give our family love and joy, now, and for the rest of the day."

Amen?

AMEN.

This was the answer to my prayers.

This was my joy.

The little things

In the morning, these flowers glow with sunshine outside my kitchen door.

So last week I took a few pictures, 
hoping to savor that basket of beauty 
before the dirty breakfast dishes called my name.

Then came the gift I might have missed;

a humming bird, wings catching the light for just an instant in my camera lens.

Click--I got it!!!  What a treasure!!!

I keep a close eye on that basket now. 

I'm hoping to see Mr. Hummingbird again.

If I don't come to the window and watch for him, 

I might not notice him, even though he's there.

~ ~ ~

Dear God, 
fill me with such hopeful anticipation, 
that I would eagerly seek to be in Your presence.
May each day be filled with grateful awareness of You.
Amen

All Along

Spring was way more busy than I like. 

Rarely a minute alone.  Rarely a minute together.
We are just beginning to slow down.

As my hundreds of pictures are loaded onto the computer,
my eyes finally see what the hurried pace left behind.

The lens has seen and saved what I was missing. 
God was pouring out the gifts all along.

And now,

finally,

weeks later,

thanks to the lens that saved bits and pieces,

I thankfully receive the gifts.


I see them here in the ordinary moments,

the rare moments,

the little bits of progress,

the sticky and sweet,

the bright and sunny,

the gorgeous growing,

the mysteriously made,

the  warm and fuzzy,

 the sleepy and furry,

the formal and fancy,

the fun lovey-dovey,

the simple and quiet, 

   the new old favorites,

and the surprise floating finds.

It's all so good.  It all matters.

 And I don't want to miss a thing.

Thank you, Hanna, for sharing a few!

For My Babies

 Hanna

Gabby

Jacob

 Josie

YOU are what makes my Mother's Day happy!

If I could sing, I'd sing this for you.

My heart is yours.

LOVE,

Mom

~ ~ ~

One more thing...

Happy Mother's Day,

Mom.

I love you too!

One Glorious Day

When a glorious long awaited spring day like yesterday finally comes, 

I just can't be inside. Especially if it's Sunday. 

Growing up we were not allowed to do much of anything on Sundays, but my Dad loved to go for a ride in the car.  Many times it was a combo--a ride to one of his childhood haunts where we would climb out of the car AND go for a walk.  This one place in particular stands out in my memory as VERY exciting.  Okay, family... I was pretty little and easily impressed, but was this not the most thrilling Sunday afternoon destination?

I don't remember much about this place but for the crossing of the stream.  There was this old remnant of a bridge and in order to cross the stream you had to shimmy sideways across a narrow metal beam.  You can't see it well in the picture, but there was a rusty rail to hang onto. Look at my Mom--I love it!  She never wore pants for anything.

I don't know if I ever crossed by myself.  In my memories, I'm always riding on Dad's back--terrified and excited as he confidently made his way across.  I loved it.  I loved Sundays.  I'm sure I complained that it was an excruciatingly boring day.  But looking back, it really was my favorite day because we were always all together.

Last night, after I tucked Jacob into bed, he was sad because we didn't get to spend much time together during the day. Now don't feel too bad. He choose to spend the afternoon playing with his neighborhood friends.  He just gets sentimental at bedtime.  It's an effective ploy to get me to stay a little longer and rub his back and tell him stories.  So there we sat in the dark and I told stories about walking down to the corner Dime Store with Julie and getting a whole bunch of candy with just one quarter.

Then he says out of the blue,

"Do you miss your Dad?"

"Yes, Jacob, I miss him very much."

More than words can say.

But here's the thing.  

It's only temporary.  

We'll all be together one long awaited day,

 more glorious than the most beautiful spring day you can imagine. 

We'll walk together and hold hands again, I just know it. 

And we'll never ever have to say good-bye.

That was the plan.

(random winter photography)

Six months ago, 

I was about to adopt a toddler. I was about to enter a whole new journey of parenting an adopted special needs child. I was about to have five children. I was also about to start our sixth year of homeschooling, with three kids at home while the oldest spread her homeschooled wings and flew off to highschool. I was about to begin another year in leadership at Community Bible Study with a group of women who had grown near and dear to my heart over the past year. 

That was the road before me.  

That was the plan.  

Three very good things.  

Then it all came crashing down.  In a matter of weeks, everything changed.  Heart wrenching decisions completely altered the course.  In one tumultuous swoosh of God’s design, the good and worthy and excellent plans for the future came to a screeching halt.

We would not be adopting Levi.  We would not be homeschooling.  I would not be in leadership at CBS.

BAM.

Plans were shattered.

I was shattered.

And it was exactly what I needed.

Yes, I needed a good shattering of a lot of junk.  God, of course, knew it.

I also needed a shattering of a lot of good stuff.  

Even the "good" stuff in our lives can sometimes be the "wrong" stuff.

At the time, all these decisions and changes seemed so sudden and urgent.  But the reality is, we prayed for many years about adoption.  We prayed for many years about homeschooling our children.  For many years we sought God's will and prayed for God's direction in all these things.
  

Why then are we so surprised when God does exactly that?

Yes, it hurt a little (a lot). It took time to see through the mess of emotions.  God's message was clear.
Wait. Rest. Be still.  He is the one taking the shattered pieces and making something beautiful.
~ ~ ~
When it becomes clear that God has rocked your world, your head spins a little.  
When it becomes clear that He is lovingly and tenderly putting you all back together 
into the vessel he always had in mind,
well, 
your heart spins a little.