Carpet Face Prayer Days

You could tell it was a Monday.

I did optimistically take some school pictures.

See how hard they work.

Isn't writing time at the park fun?

Let me tell you, these pictures are false advertising.

They don't  honesty convey the thoughts and attitudes of the day.

I need pictures that say this:

"I don't feel good."

"I'm tired."

"Do I have to do this?"

"Can I have a break?"

"Why can't I do it later?"

"Can I skip this part?"

"I'm starving."

"My hand is tired."

"Are we almost done?"

Truth is, I felt the same way. 

"Do I have to do this?"

So there I was today, laying on the bedroom floor at 5:00 pm,

 praying for just a little bit of joy to finish out the day.  

Only God could redeem the mess we had made of the previous 8 hours.

Some days are like that.

Carpet face prayer days.

~ ~ ~

Most days we have family devotions after supper.  

 Let's just stop right there, lest you think too highly of that statement.  

It's rarely as lovely as we would like it to be.

But there is this new thing I love:

 the prayer jar.

Each stick in the jar has a prayer request:

"Grandma and Grandpa"

"Orphans"

"Ethiopia"

"More opportunities to show love"

"More faith"

"Manny P."

We sit on the couch and pass the jar, 

each person taking as many sticks as they'd like to pray for.  

Then around the room we go.

I'm not going to lie.

It's a beautiful thing.

Beautiful enough to redeem the mess we had made of this day?

Yes, indeed.

Just one hour after my carpet faced prayer for joy,

Jacob prays in his own words,

"God, give our family love and joy, now, and for the rest of the day."

Amen?

AMEN.

This was the answer to my prayers.

This was my joy.

Goodbye 40

I'm sorry, Hallmark, but homemade is just way better.

Then again, sometimes store bought is pretty good too.

And I do love a creative birthday present

that I can watch all year long!!!

Granted, I may have to stay up into the wee hours of the night to be creative because I have a new full time job homeschooling these 4 extraordinarily awesome people.

And the icing on the cake?
I'm going to teach kid's art classes in my home!
Going to have to clean up this mess first...

And how about a little portrait work on the side?

I can hardly wait!!!
Goodbye 40. Hello 41.

LET'S HAVE SOME FUN!!!!!

Feeling the Love

I clearly remember sitting on a yellow vinyl chair at our white formica dining room table making fancy paper valentines for the valentine exchange at school.  Always the Elmers glue, the paper doilies, and the carefully traced construction paper heart.  Maybe even a candy conversation heart glued to the middle. A classic!


I loved everything about Valentine's Day.  I certainly did not want my kids to miss out on the Valentine's festivities during our home school years, so we made our own kind of fun.

Heart Shaped Pizzas

Heart-shaped Pancakes--yes, that is a heart shape. You'll just have to take my word for it.

Wearing pink and red, of course... and sometimes balloons.

Sorry, I have no pictures of the heart shaped meatloaf. No, I'm not kidding.

But the greatest thrill of all?
Valentine MAIL BOXES

A week or so before the 14th, each person makes a "mailbox" to hang on their bedroom door.

We set up a table somewhere with all the supplies needed to make little valentines.
Each day you "secretly" make and deliver a little note to each person's mailbox.

 Josie's enthusiasm for this has been building for weeks. 

She always makes her cards first thing in the morning, still in her pj's.  

Maybe for the kids it's all about the stash of chocolate.
Nothing like a little sugar to motivate acts of kindness.
But I hope it's more than that.  I hope it's making sweet memories.

You know I'll be keeping these little scribbled love notes forever.

See! They really do love each other-- I've got it in writing!

That was the plan.

(random winter photography)

Six months ago, 

I was about to adopt a toddler. I was about to enter a whole new journey of parenting an adopted special needs child. I was about to have five children. I was also about to start our sixth year of homeschooling, with three kids at home while the oldest spread her homeschooled wings and flew off to highschool. I was about to begin another year in leadership at Community Bible Study with a group of women who had grown near and dear to my heart over the past year. 

That was the road before me.  

That was the plan.  

Three very good things.  

Then it all came crashing down.  In a matter of weeks, everything changed.  Heart wrenching decisions completely altered the course.  In one tumultuous swoosh of God’s design, the good and worthy and excellent plans for the future came to a screeching halt.

We would not be adopting Levi.  We would not be homeschooling.  I would not be in leadership at CBS.

BAM.

Plans were shattered.

I was shattered.

And it was exactly what I needed.

Yes, I needed a good shattering of a lot of junk.  God, of course, knew it.

I also needed a shattering of a lot of good stuff.  

Even the "good" stuff in our lives can sometimes be the "wrong" stuff.

At the time, all these decisions and changes seemed so sudden and urgent.  But the reality is, we prayed for many years about adoption.  We prayed for many years about homeschooling our children.  For many years we sought God's will and prayed for God's direction in all these things.
  

Why then are we so surprised when God does exactly that?

Yes, it hurt a little (a lot). It took time to see through the mess of emotions.  God's message was clear.
Wait. Rest. Be still.  He is the one taking the shattered pieces and making something beautiful.
~ ~ ~
When it becomes clear that God has rocked your world, your head spins a little.  
When it becomes clear that He is lovingly and tenderly putting you all back together 
into the vessel he always had in mind,
well, 
your heart spins a little.

Where have you been?

My Dear Blog,

I think about you often.  I really do. I have not given up on you! It's just that there have been some big changes around here and we are all taking some time to adjust to our new reality.  Family comes first, and they have really needed mom to be there for them.  Personally, I have needed some time to process all the questions, thoughts, and ideas churning in my head. I hope you understand.

In case you were wondering, the kids are doing great in their new school.  We have seen miraculous progress that we wouldn't have believed possible those first few rocky days.  Thank you, God, for that!  We obviously didn't plan to send them all back to school this year, but we have seen glimpses of God's purpose in this exciting new adventure.  We are all learning important new things about ourselves--that's for sure!

Here's one thing I have learned about myself: in the process of giving six wonderful years to homeschool, a part of who God made me to be was languishing.  One of the hidden blessings from all this unexpected change is the new found opportunity to spend a wee bit of my day being creative.  I have not made time for this in years, and I can't begin to tell you the joy it brings to wake up the right side of my brain. One of these days I'll tell you all about what's happening in my basement studio!  So fun!

I have been surprised by many things these last few months, but one of the most surprising things is the realization of just how much of my identity and purpose was wrapped up in being a homeschool mom and adoptive mom.  Is this what they call a mid-life crisis? Eeeek! I hope not! I'm not going to go all deep and philosphical on this with you, but I have found myself wondering about these things.  And so to end my letter, I'll share a fun little song that speaks to my heart about our true identity in Christ. 

Just ask my kids, JJ Heller is my new favorite. Listen close and enjoy!

I'll be back soon!

Love,

Kristi

Cupcake Island

 As of today,

Josie has dreams of opening her own bakery when she grows up.

She calls it,

"Cupcake Island."

 I love a girl who dreams.

Earlier this summer she dreamed of working at a gas station

so that she could drink an icee everyday.

I wasn't quite as impressed with that one.

 (Do not worry, birthday cousins, she did not actually lick the ingredients of your dessert!)

But things change.

Things change a lot around here.

 

Josie gave first grade "school at school" a try.  

She begged to go like the big kids.

The first few days were all smiles and fun and friends.
From all reports, Josie fit right in.

But it didn't last. I don't know why. 

(I know she didn't like having to sit criss-cross-applesauce on the floor,

but I wouldn't call that a deal breaker.)

 

I guess school just wasn't what she'd thought it would be.

(Here is where one might be tempted to say, "I told you so!")

As with the other kids, I was prepared to help her through 

the hard adjustment period in whatever way worked.

   

Right about the time she started to hesitate about the whole school thing,

crying every night and morning, crying at school, crying at recess...

I got sick.

 

Then I got sicker.

The nurse practitioner called it pneumonia 

and gave me big strong antibiotics and sent me to bed.

I couldn't take care of Josie's anxiety and take care of me.

So Josie stayed home.

 Home.

 I think that's where she's going to be for another year or two.

And I'm glad.

Home school just works best for her right now ... and for me.

First grade is my favorite.  We are going to have so much fun.

I'm glad Josie tried school.  

Now she knows.

Now I know.

 Now she won't beg.

Don't worry, school, she'll be back ... someday.

But for now, she's home sweet home!